the scene i could never forget

"don't bother giving him blood"
"this is not a case that is expected to live anyway"
harsh.heartless.cruel.
yes,listening to those sentences uttered so indifferently in a very normal tone of voice had somewhat taken me aback.blood continued gushing out from the bowel and mesentry of the patient who was lying helplessly unconscious on the operation table.
but as cruel as it might sound to anyone,the burden of fear carried by the operating surgeon was way more unbearable.no one knew how hard it was for him to even assemble those words into sentences.and no one could ever describe the frustrations he bore.but he did what he had to and what he could do.resecting whatever he was able to take out,and closing the abdomen to wrap up the unfinished surgery.he had lost.he was defeated by the brutalilty of the cancer.its viciousness happened to know no boundaries.
i stood just next to the scrubbing post grad,watching him unflaggingly suctioning out the oozing blood coming out from almost everywhere.the intestine was eventually submerged in a pool of blood.it was scary,seeing it.eventhough i wasn't the one doing the surgery but i felt drained.and exhausted.
despite the fact that the abdominal incision was finally closed, it was distressing knowing that the abdomen continued to bleed within.
i wonder if the patient is still alive,while i am writing this.
but i really do hope he survives,at least to say goodbye to his beloved ones.
it's not the surgeon who determines the death of the patient,it's all up to Allah afterall.

but the gushing of blood,soaking the surgeon's OT gown and the pool of blood streaming down the floor would be a scene i could never forget.